So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
