I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
