Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize