so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize