Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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