fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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