you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
