I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ok first of all what the fuck
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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