tell your sister to shave her snatch
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
