i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
