Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think my moral compass just broke
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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