I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Having a random hookup so left but love u
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
