6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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