Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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