Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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