In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
