Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Terrible idea I love it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
