I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
