apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
