Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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