i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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