it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
