hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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