my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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