Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
