Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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