I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
