having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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