YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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