Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize