i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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