just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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