I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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