is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
