what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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