Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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