We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
