D3 body, D1 cock
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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