your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
