I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
