Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
