whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Randomize
