I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
