wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize