I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
