Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
