Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
