Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
