and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
