I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
