I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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