Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
