Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize