i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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