I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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