Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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