is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
