I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
3pm strippers are depressing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
