i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
