True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
