Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
