You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
