I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
