So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize