Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I look better un-naked...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
