Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
