I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
