why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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