proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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