I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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