we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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