Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize