Banned from zoo.
Again?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
