Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
