they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
