I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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