I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize