Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
