the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize