I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
