i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
