Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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