I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
