Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
