I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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