just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize